Long After You're Gone
by xoalways
Summary: "Sorry, Kate. Okay? I'm sorry. I won't budge anymore. I thought you were grateful for me and especially for this, but I should have known. I love you, you don't love me, and I'm sorry." This is NOT a Watershed fic.


I used to have a fanfiction account that had I think 17 Castle stories, but I deleted it about a year and a half ago. The pressure to update regularly was just really tough, especially when I had zero inspiration. This is my first published story since I deleted my old account, and will remain a oneshot. Reviews are greatly appreciated, and thank you for reading.

* * *

_Stay, stay, stay_  
_I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time_

* * *

Kate opens the door, least expecting him to be there, figured he be home with his daughter as she finally recovers.

"Hi," he says, leaning in to kiss her cheek. Her lips turn upwards. It's hard to doubt his love for her when he treats her like she's the most special person in the world. But maybe that's what Meredith thought, too.

"What are you doing here, Castle?"

"Alexis and Mother both went to bed early," he says, stepping past her to take off his coat, "And you and I really didn't get very much alone time this week, so..." He takes her face in his hands and kisses her. She pulls away too soon, and he knows something is off.

"I was actually going to bed, too," she lies.

"Oh. At 8?"

"Yeah."

"Kate, is something wrong?"

"No, it's just-" she sighs, "It's been a long week with the case and Meredith and I just want to get a good night's rest."

He just stares at her and she knows that he doesn't completely believe her.

"She didn't say anything to you, did she?" By Kate's hesitation, he knows his ex-wife in fact did say something. "Kate..."

"I wouldn't think anything of it except she's right about you, Castle."

"That's not exactly fair. You can't say she's right when I don't even know what she said to you."

"You don't open up. You know every single detail of my life and I don't know hardly anything of yours. You have spent the past four years invading my personal business when you had no right to."

"I wrote four books because of that."

"Exactly, and how many pages could I fill with what I know about you? You told me you loved me, but how can you love me if you won't let me see hardly beyond what anybody else sees?"

"You didn't ask."

"And neither did you! You think I want you to know every single detail about me? I didn't willingly let you budge into my life."

She struck something because his face falls but she didn't mean it like that. Oh, she didn't mean to make him feel like-

"Sorry, Kate. Okay? I'm sorry. I won't budge anymore. I thought you were grateful for me and especially for this, but I should have known. I love you, you don't love me, and I'm sorry."

"Rick, that isn't-"

"It is. It's the truth and I was stupid for thinking otherwise."

He's turning away now, towards the door, and she messed up.

"I do love you," she says, the words piercing the air and she sees him stop, turn back towards her and- he's crying. Tears fall out of his eyes and stain his cheeks. "Rick, I know I haven't told you but I didn't realize you doubted it. You're unlike any man I've ever been with and I love you so much for it. It's hard to tell you that when I feel like I don't know you. I didn't realize what was holding me back until Meredith said something. I just need to know that our relationship isn't something for the books. You gotta let me in because this won't work if you don't."

"I felt like I did let you in. You know my family. If this was a fling for the books then there is no way in hell I would allow you to be near Alexis as much as you are. I have always kept her away from the women I'm with, because yeah, a majority of them have never meant anything. I've told you so much more about myself than any other woman that I've been with. How could you ever doubt that I don't love you, Kate? After all we've been through. This relationship is like one step forward, two steps back with you. How many times do I have to prove myself?"

"I didn't know you felt like that about us," she says quietly.

"Well isn't it true? Every time I think we've made progress, something sets us back. You set us back to the beginning."

"Then just go. If this is such a nuisance to you, then leave."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"I get that I'm complicated, okay? I know. You know that. When I knocked on your door that night, I knew getting into this would be the hardest relationship I've ever been in and I'm sorry for putting you through it, Rick. Okay? I'm sorry I'm not fun and simple like other women. My life hasn't been fun and simple for fifteen years."

"No, Kate, stop. I'm not saying that. I love you for being unlike other women."

"Then what do you want me to do?" she says, voice breaking, because he's right. This is a circle, their relationship. It's good and bad and good again, but it's never progressing. A tear falls down her cheek and she stares at him, losing all faith that this relationship will work. What reason has she ever given him to stay? When will the day come that he realizes that she's not what he deserves in a woman and he leaves just like everybody else?

His mouth opens and closes and she sees it in his eyes, the white flag. He's given up on her. The thought crushes her and she can't breathe. He needs to go, because she's going to crumble and he shouldn't see what he's doing to her.

"Just leave," she says, heaves, and turns away from him. She can't watch him walk out that door. Another tear falls and she feels it, the gut wrenching feeling of a panic attack. She makes it as far as the couch before she falls, curling in on herself. A pair of strong arms wrap around her small form and guide her into a warm, solid body. His. He tightens his arms and says nothing, just lets her work through the panic attack.

When she's more calm, just breathing heavily, he loosens his grip and kisses her forehead.

"I'm always going to be here. I will never leave you. Ever, Kate," he whispers. She has her eyes close and won't open them. He gently grabs her face and kisses her lips, soft and slow. "Talk to me."

She finally opens her eyes and his piercing blue ones are looking at her with so much emotion, she can't do anything but wrap her arms around him and bury her head in his neck, hugging him tightly.

"I don't try to make this difficult, or hold us back," she finally says.

"I know," he tells her, "That was a stupid thing to say. I love everything about this with you, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just hard to do it sometimes."

"God, Rick," she says, pulling back, "You deserve so much better than what I have to offer. Your life would be so much easier without me holding you back."

"No. You're not holding me back. Do you realize that I've become a better man since meeting you?" he asks, searches for some type of confidence to be found in her eyes. She has absolutely no reason to believe he would be better off without her. She says nothing, just kisses him soundly on the lips and pours everything she's got into it. He's wonderful.

"I love you," she whispers. "So much, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate. Always. No matter what Meredith or anybody else says. I'll never stop fighting for you."


End file.
